the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
