Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I believe in your delicious
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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