He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
