That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
