my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
