So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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