Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
