She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
