I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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