if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
