did you get engaged???
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
