I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
