when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
