Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
