its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
