Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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