Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
