I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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