I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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