I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
