My room smells like vodka and shame
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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