the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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