No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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