what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
