The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
