my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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