I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
