did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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