My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
