Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
