hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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