so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
