I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
