Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
