We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
