Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
