U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
