Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
3 2 1 whiskey
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
