he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Can I color on your dick again?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
