so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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