do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
