my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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