i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
