if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
