shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
