Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
