whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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