you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize