his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
