he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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