I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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