she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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