You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
