Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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